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Saturday, December 21, 2013

Chapter 2: Is Tailgaiting Rude?


Cling-On (Posterior Magnetism) 
The loser driving the vehicle behind you suddenly thinks it’s smart to attach 
themselves to your tailpipe.  This is in fact a very common belief and is usually the
cause or effect of road rage.  See chapter 11 “Road Rage”.

The Ass Wipe
A driver glides up behind you very closely, barely missing your rear end paint job 
before backing off or switching lanes.  Unlike the “Cling On”, the “Ass Wipe” is very
short-lived due to the fact that the cidiot’s focus is not on you but more so on any 
number of distractions that may take their eyes from the road (i.e., cell phone, soda 
bottle, paper, pen, eating).

 Double Dutch (Toggled Posterior Magnetism)  
A more extreme version of the “Cling On”, this version actually gets a bit more technical.  The driver will actually show off the fact that they like being gumps by dodging in and out of traffic while giving each driver a little “Cling On” attention.

  Truck Romance
The cidiot pulls up closely behind the truck and tailgates the eighteen-wheeler as if to intimidate the trucker to get out of the way. Is it wise to ignore the signs plastered to the truck’s rear warning drivers that if they can’t see the trucker’s mirrors then big boy sure as hell can’t see them?

The Motion Sensor
 These cidiots are slightly different from their tailgating cohorts in that once they attach themselves to your bumper; they seem to stay there at every stop and turn.  If you think running through a stop sign or red light will get rid of them, think again as you look through your rear view mirror and notice they’re still on your ass like a hitched trailer.

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