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Saturday, December 21, 2013

Chapter 9: Lights and Gadgets: Use'm Already!!


Nocturnal Vehicular Visionary  
Whether it is on the expressway, or street top, we’ve all known and come across the infamous “nocturnal vehicular visionary”.  In a world with no lights, these people absolutely thrive.  For them, everyone knows when they need to get over or turn without the use of that lil’ toggle called a turn signal, inserted by every vehicle manufacturer in the United States and abroad.

P.I.T.A. (People against the Intentional misuse of Traffic Apparatuses)  

This cidiot assumes that everyone sees them driving down the street in the wee, evening hours with absolutely no headlights on. Well… a perfect world where everyone has nocturnal vision, that would be true.       
Flurry Creatures  
There’s snow outside and all of the residents who don’t have garages, unfortunately, have vehicles covered in snow.  For most of us, it seems like common sense to remove the snow from all of the windows and that huge mound that collects on top of the vehicle, before attempting to drive off into the snowy mist. That’s not the case if you’re like these cidiots. Very similar to their P.I.T.A. cohorts, they don’t believe in the use of defrosters and windshield wiper blades at all and will drive long distances with a windshield layered so thick with snow and ice. 

 Uncouth Troupe 

 Come on now, if you know you’re going to use the driving lane for parking so you can unload the groceries, appliances, the dogs, and the laundry; could you at least warn the rest of us driving behind you that you have no intentions of moving any time soon, by pressing down on that triangular button that will magically turn on your hazard lights?       
 Dirty D. A. N. s (Dumb and Nasty’s) 
Surely you can’t see out of that mud encrusted windshield that’s attached to a vehicle that looks as if it’s been parked in the desert for about a month, as your tires peel away from the curb without you so much as thinking about pressing that little knob that squirts out a handy dandy liquid called washer fluid.   

 Impractical Radical  
Who are you trying to fool?  Is it not obvious what you’re up to when you put on your hazard lights in a “no parking” zone just to drop off that rental DVD, cash that check and get that phone number from the irresistible hottie you spotted on the sidewalk? You’ll often find this cidiot hanging closely with their “bogie buddies”, referenced in Chapter 15 “Parking”. 

Street Beams are Made of These
 A situation in which one or more drivers may experience temporary blindness due to the approaching cidiot’s high beams.  These cidiot’s  lack the ability to dim their headlights and are usually guilty of  “Spaz Central” moments such as leaving their headlights on while in the store or at work, etc., see Chapter 14, “Spaz Central”.

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