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Saturday, December 21, 2013

Chapter 12: The Last Minute Law: Did You See That?


 Spontaneous Special
 A true cidiot never reveals their next moves on the roads.  They always catch you by surprise, especially when they decide at the last minute that they want to make that turn that almost cost them a new bumper.  Only the most skilled cidiots can pull off this move which requires quick precision as the cidiot stomps on their brakes a split second before turning a corner. You may also catch a less than one second flash of a turn signal or in some cases, no signal at all.

Third Lane Glide
  A maneuver similar to the “median whisperer” referenced in Chapter 3 “Cut offs”, in which the cidiot in the left passing lane glides two or sometimes three lanes over to the right at 70 mph, nearly taking your front bumper with them, in an attempt to make that exit that’s coming up in three, two, one second. 

 Jr. Spontaneous Special with Spur of the Moment on the Side
 You’re at the light, waiting patiently for the signal to go.  Alas, the light is green when all of a sudden the cidiot in front of you has an epiphany behind the wheel preventing them from proceeding across the light.  They decide that holding up you and the mile long traffic behind you at the light so they can make a last minute turn is for the best.

 The Wedgie
How about those cidiots who assume that we all can stop on a dime so they can wedge their way between us and the car ahead of us at the very last second?

Snail Pace Suzy
  Also considered a type of cut-off, this cidiot will wait until you’re within a few inches of approach and have adopted a nice and steady speed, before they snail-pace their way off some side street, cruising out in front of you forcing you to slow down to 10 miles per hour; they never seem to pick up their speed. You may find yourself having to break really hard to avoid hitting this cidiot who may or may not be aware that they just pulled out into a speeding herd of motor.

 Lord Tyrant of Barrier Lane
 You’ll find these cidiots operating the big yellow cheese buses or the oversized 18-wheelers. Often displaying traits of Napoleon Syndrome, they have something to prove by being the bully of the road.  They thrive off jolting the front half of their robust frames into oncoming traffic; one of their common intimidation traffic tactics, forcing the approaching smaller vehicles to either yield or be flattened.  They usually suffer from cut-off syndromes as well.

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