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Saturday, December 21, 2013

Chapter 11: Road Rage: Kiss My Arse!!

Motor Mouth Motorist
 Angry driver cuts you off; you blow your horn in response.  They flip you the “birdie”. You stomp the accelerator and catch up with them just to roll down your window and toss out a profane word or two.  Steamy driver bangs on the steering column and orders you to pull over so that they can show you a new way to use the club.  This is road rage in its simplest form.
Tit-for-Tat Pat/Mat
Silly driver on the phone glides over, nearly clipping the front of your vehicle in an attempt to exit; already irritated with the early morning congestion, you speed off the freeway following her at every turn just to reciprocate the offense.
Avenger Mike
Gone are the days when people would quickly move out of the way at the simple toot of a horn.  The modern day cidiot not only takes offense to horn tooting; they honk back, follow you to your house, drive along side you cursing at you through the window, side swipe you, shake their fist at you, threaten your kids, stalk you, call your house twenty times and hang up, break in your house and eat your food, and they won’t stop until they run you and your vehicle off a cliff somewhere in a remote desert that’s nowhere near your destination.

The Fast and the Delirious
Crazy driver next to you all of a sudden gets mad because you’re driving five miles faster than he is and turns your trip home into a drag race to hell.
The Tag-Swag
You can’t blame this cidiot; after all you did pull out in front of them cruising under the speed limit.  In a sense, you actually provoked them to tear out from behind you at 80 mph, jump back in front of you then stomp on their breaks.
The Changeling
Driver is aware that he/she leaves work everyday at the same time that rush hour begins. In spite of this, driver becomes angry because they have to sit in the middle of congestion.  Driver suddenly starts blaring their horn as if this will somehow make the other vehicles magically part like the Red Sea so that he/she can make their exodus.

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